Why Didn't England Invade Sweden?

You are invited to a house party.

Anders was already drunk

making racist jokes in Swedish

then repeating them to you

in English.

I know I’m the only white guy here

Said Anders, fingers raking his blonde hair

but all I can do in English is tell racist jokes.

You're sat among twelve Persian’s

all from families who fled Iran

and found refuge in Sweden.

I speak Farsi too said Anders

I speak it better than Mahomet.

Anders then danced, swaying his shoulders,

hips and wrists, everyone laughed and told you

Ander’s soul is not Swedish, it is old Persian.

These were the last words you heard in English that evening,

even the dancing was in a language you couldn’t talk to.

They must be talking about you,

they know about that one thing you told Nika

just to make her laugh,

that time your sister asked you what is you guilty pleasure?

and you said teabagging,

you only said that to wind up your sister.

Now it sounds like they’re saying pervert in Swedish.

They all speak at least three languages, including your own,

why are they not speaking the one that you know?

you want to ask everyone how you say let me in in your language?

How you say you’re making me feel stupid?

How you say I am outside of your language

and you are choosing to be on the side of the wall

that only I can’t get to.

Maybe it’s your fault for being complacent in the way you say things?

The next day Nika asks why you left the party early, you say

because England didn’t invade Sweden.

Nika doesn't laugh, she apologises

and says we are not rude people,

we are just less comfortable in English.

you ask Nika

how are we friends if you

only speak with the part of you

that is less comfortable?

Nika says because you have never made me feel stupid.

one of Anders racist jokes came back to your mind,

you laugh.

Nika looks at you, suspicious you’re laughing at her.

I’m not laughing at you Nika you say,

I’m just happy for what we understand of each other.

When you get home the first thing you do is google -

“Why didn’t England invade Sweden?”