My friend Joshua has the highest blood sugar of all my friends.
He has Maltesers on his cereal for goodness sake!
This makes him a very good hype man.
Ask him if he has any regrets in life...
He’ll say something like
If the machine in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless mind existed
I’d charge through my memories with a shotgun!
We’d be in the street
he’d roll on the pavement and cower behind lamp posts like a lost starship trooper.
his memories would be giant aliens
armed with teeth like rusty blades
and laser guns.
Joshua would get hit and explode
blood, guts and limbs
raining onto the traffic
I’d be by the lamp post
to the belly.
Joshua would get up off the pavement
and I'd apologise
for laughing at his horrific death.